Pre Script: This blog post all about my views and perceptions and its about me…and if the reader is looking for something useful or interesting stuffs, you might get disappointed…! So you are free to skip this post…!
The way of Living was totally different for me in the past few months…! All these conversions like Close Friends turned into Friends, Friends turned into Just Friends, Just Friends turned into Strangers and finally its a confusing one to calculate these conversions in the recent years. What I wonder is , downside conversion automatically happens and the upwards conversion is not at all happening ( might be I haven’t tried ). Really tired of seeing good things to normal and normal to usual and usual to nothing.
My mind is in a clear confusion state. I am not talking about life’s experiences , just talking about happenings. I am really in a clear confused state to know and accept these modern days terms on friendships & relationships. One’s life changes with their individual decisions, changes and experiences, and I don’t know why I am hitting my head hard and feeling the changes in my life due to others individual experiences and decisions. I know this is not the right way to lead a joyful life.
I know its really tough time in my professional side, really working hard and draining out physically to put things in place. Glad that things are positive and able to see the improvements every day. But feeling mentally and emotionally low is not at all good at this time…! I should have got some emotional support at this time….I wonder why I gained no one to stay with me to give some emotional support. But the fact is everyone is around me…but the gaps created due to the above mentioned Conversations plays a big role. I don’t know how far I can run without a emotional support…I am not used with this….just simply pretending to be. I thank to my busy schedule , which keeps me away from worrying about these things…but when things stress out on professional side too…mind automatically starts longing for a support.
To be frank I am not bold or matured enough to face the challenges individually. I was always depended on a emotional support to share my success and happiness. I was grown up by pointing someone as a reason for my success and happiness. I always felt that sharing is my secret of success and happiness. And later its well proven tat it is wrong. Anyways success or happiness , if it is very big I want someone to take the whole responsibility and be a reason for tat. That is wat I am all about.
But for the first time in these years, I feel tired of running behind ppls, feeling very tired to maintain contacts and be in touch, feeling very tired of being good to everyone, feeling tired of maintaining the values and trust, feeling tired of learning experiences from the happenings in life, feeling tired of loosing ppl, feeling tired of explaining things, feeling tired of caring & hearing, simply and totally I am FEELING TIRED.
No one has seen my full potential…seriously NO ONE. Even I am very eager to see it. The roaring success and rejoicing happiness…is all closer to me on my professional side. But still there is no use in achieving this with no inner happiness. Its my usual habit tat, I often ask myself tat ..” Sathish… are you Happy ? “..and mostly the answers was YES. But nowadays I doubt myself about my happiness. Anyways trying to sort out things. Everyday moves on with a HOPE…! Have to make some good time to sit for myself and to put things straight. finishing this post with my fav lines from a tamil Song…!
ஒரே காண என் வாழ்விலே , அதை நெஞ்சில் வைத்திருந்தேன் …;
காண மெய்யாகும் நாள் வரை , உயிர் கையில் வைத்திருப்பேன் …;
வானே என் மேல் சாய்ந்தாலுமே , நான் மீண்டு காட்டுவேன் …;
நீ எனை கொஞ்சம் கொஞ்சினால் , நிலாவை வாங்குவேன். – Guru Movie.
Ps: I just now read the above post..really a confusing one….I can see the confusion in my mind from this narration. Anyways I most times used this space as my best one…to share things with no hesitation. And this helped me a lot in getting a temporary relief and slowly a permanent relief. Sorry for the bla bla bla narration from my confused mind.